Penis Party with Lips

I started the night thinking I wouldn’t have much fun at all. How I went from being a Bachelorette Party Girl for my Halloween costume effectively making fun of the entire tradition, to dusting off the very same flashing penis veil I wore that night to adorn my own cousin’s head, I am not sure. My cousin is getting married at the beginning of April and when her finance and ten of his closest buddies boarded a plane to Las Vegas and her party was no where in sight, I folded. But if I was going to throw a bachelorette party it was going to be the most tasteless, most obnoxious party that I could possibly devise, and that’s how I and 13 friends ended up at Lips (a drag queen joint in the West Village).

When we rolled up to Lips last Saturday night and saw a stretch hummer limo parked out front we knew we were in the right place. Why is it that bachelorettes commonly call on the entertainment of drag queens while bachelors go for the strippers? I can only assume that drag queens are seen (mostly by conservative types) as novel, naughty and risqué. Before Saturday I would have scoffed at this notion, surely it can get a lot crazier and glamorous than a bunch of overweight men packaging their meaty thighs into pantyhose like sausage links. And upon arrival my cast of atypical bachelorette party goers, consisting of about 3 straight women, 7 gay men and a lesbian hipster, were looking at a circus they have all seen before, no novelty applied. As my one friend quipped “This place reminds me of the Denny’s in LA.”

Lips is a dark pink cafeteria, the ambiance was lent to two disco balls and a rotating, multi-colored spherical light that indicated when a show was about to start, while adding the element of artificial chaos…those crazy drag queens. The first thing I noticed is there was no stage, and not much room at all to even sashe, shante. After we were seated by Epiphany, our waitress, Peppermint, came over to get our drink orders. Because it was $30.00 a head for an open bar for three hours we proceeded to order only these two drinks, the Lips Ice Tea and the Dragaritas for the rest of the night, sometimes two at a time.

Several of these disgusting pink drinks later, the sphere light was flicked on and the host of the night (Gusty Winds) put down her bag of Ruffles chips long enough to welcome us and then lip sync a song, a gay favorite, “Big Spender.” Gusty was a husky woman, dressed in a black number a la Dress Barn. Her make up and hair were fittingly over the top, however the performance didn’t match. A few lackadaisical hand movements and only a few attempts to drop it like it was medium more than hot. One was forced to draw talent from her lip syncing abilities, however her darkly lined, puffy puckers proved unappetizing.

The show went on, a couple of slim and sprightly black girls succeeded in watchable choreography. And the most memorable would be the performance by the 6 ft 5in, 300 pound, All Beef Patty. Although a tragic mess she at least took my roommates face and buried it in her man tit cleavage for a good laugh. But sooner than later, I noticed that everything started to become good for a laugh. My friends, a typically rowdy bunch, saw this place as carte blanche to be wholly obnoxious. When Lips was in between shows, we unwittingly became the show. A drag queen came around to make us balloon penises, tits and vaginas. We all cleverly ordered a good ratio of each to then simulate lots of different sexual encounters with our latex appendages.

After my hair got tangled in the twist of the balloon penis that separated the shaft from the head, I decided to check on the bachelorette. The sober, pregnant, bachelorette, was now wide eyed with the curse of clarity. I was hideously drunk and resorted to slur apologizing for her having to witness this ridiculousness. That is when we turned to find my lesbian friend straddling the bachelorette’s older, married and straight sister in a tongue heavy lip lock. Two people from the party went immediately to the bar to celebrate with shots of tequila. The poor bachelorette could hardly process her sister’s behavior. For me, this was the moment I decided the party was success in both its tackiness and entertainment. Lips succeeded in creating an inhibition free atmosphere. That must be the allure of drag queens, especially hideous ones. They are convincing with their crooked wigs, cakey make up and gender bending ways. To truly not give a fuck is wild fun. This is not a new concept, but LIPS is a good reminder, and the stiff drinks made it mindless.